I'm going to admit something.

It all got too much.  Things got too much.

source

It's odd because wedding planning has actually slowed down a lot recently, but I've also been faced with a few decisions.  Nothing major but I panicked.

The first time was over our invitations.  This one has been bubbling for a while now.  I feel this enormous pressure when it comes to the invites.  I'm a Graphic Designer by trade and I've also been known to design my own gift cards.  I feel like they need to be outstanding otherwise people will be disappointed.  I realise how crazy this sounds and in truth the only person who will really notice any faults is me.  But unfortunately this is who I am and I can't help feel this way.  I've reached a point with the invitations and now I'm stuck, I can't decide the best way forward, my solution for this is to ignore it.  Yeah I know not a great idea but it's best for me to take a step back and approach it again with a clear head.

The second thing is the bridesmaid's dresses.  How on earth am I meant to choose a dress that suits all 4 girls without actually seeing the dress they'll wear?  The dresses they've tried on either don't fit or are the wrong colour.  It's impossible and I seem to lack the imagination to picture them in their finished state.  All the girls are wonderful and offer their opinions, but I still feel very alone in this decision.  I have to admit that I haven't fallen for any of the dresses they've tried on and I can't figure out whether it's because they're not right or it's because I can't picture them the way they're suppose to be.
I worry that I'm asking too much of the girls to give up their weekends to follow me around bridal shops, especially as I'm so indecisive.   We have another appointment this Saturday to try on a few Dessy dresses including the one on my previous post which everyone seemed to like (2749). Hopefully we'll find the right one soon, until then we'll continue the search.  Sorry girls.

I'm sensitive and I'm a worrier.  They're innate qualities that I acknowledge but really can't do anything about. I upset myself more because I kept thinking that things aren't even that stressful yet.  I've still got 6 more months of decisions and planning to go - how will I cope?!

I also did the worst thing possible.  I kept it to myself.  I thought people would think I was being silly and over-sensitive.  In truth the enormity of the situation hit me.  The thought that I have to make decisions for a date 6 months away and to commit large sums of money, time and effort in to something that I can't change if it's wrong blew me away.

I've spoken to my Mom and I've spoken to Suzie - who tell me this is all totally normal and I'm not losing my mind.  The reason I'm writing about this on the blog is because above all else this is my wedding journey diary.  I'm using this post as a form of closure.  I'm acknowledging that not everything will be perfect on the day but by that point will I really care?  It's very easy to get caught up in the small things - I've never forgotten the real reason for the day and throughout all my tearful moments Has has been there for me.  I don't really want to admit to wobbling but I also want to say "It's ok"  When faced with something as important like this we're bound to feel overwhelmed.  It's hard to have everyone looking to you for the answers but I'm stepping up to the plate.  Yes I'm going to wobble again and yes I'm sure there will be more tearful moments but I'm going to try my hardest to not let the little things bother me.