You've Been Tan-go'd

To tan or not to tan, that is the question!

I am very pastey.  I'm not a big fan of sun bathing.  I suffer terribly with prickly heat so I can never sit out in the sun for very long.  I'm a huge stickler for sun cream and I'm always making sure everyone around me is covered from head to toe in factor 30. (At least!) I don't really like the idea of sun beds, they have been proven to be bad for your health and I don't see the point in putting yourself at risk.  Not only are you increasing the risk of skin cancer, but erm hello premature ageing!

To help my ghost like appearance I have, on a few occasions, had spray tans.  Neither one of them turned out very well for me!

My first visit to the spa was the day before we went to New York.  I had no what to expect.  I was shown into a room and given a pair of "knickers" to put on.  When I say knickers I'm being kind.  Imagine a sumo wrestler and what they wear, only made from paper... They don't cover much.

I stood there in nothing but paper sumo pants whilst the tan technician showed me all the ridiculous positions I had to do in order for the tan to be even all over.  The spray goes on and it's cold, the tan technician is a petit pretty girl who didn't have an ounce of fat on her body and there I was with everything on display feeling incredibly self conscious!  After the tan was over I had booked in for a French Manicure.  The same woman who had just seen me in all my glory painted my nails.  I couldn't look her in the eye.

After the spray tan it looked like I had been rolling around in mud.  The tan stuck to every hair on my body making them darker, it wasn't pretty.  Luckily my appointment had been in the afternoon so I was able to go home and hide until I was able to wash it off about 6 hours later.  It was the night before we flew to New York so I sat in the bath to wash off the excess colour.  When washing it off I realised my arm pits had turned green... I wasn't warned not to wear deodorant before getting the tan!  I scrubbed and scrubbed but the green only dimmed slightly.   I was also a lovely shade of orange.  The tan was uneven on my hands and very obvious.  It only lasted for a few days.

This is me and my orange hand after my first spray tan.

My second spray tan didn't go any better.
I decided I would give it another go and booked in for an appointment 2 days before we went to Las Vegas.  I was running late and on the way I noticed my petrol gage getting lower and lower until the light came on.  There was no way I had time to fill up the car before my appointment so I begged and pleaded with the car to make it to the spa before dying on me.
Luckily the car and I made it to the spa only 10 minutes late.  I went through the same humiliating routine of paper sumo pants, ridiculous positions and all in front of a tiny beautiful technician.  Once it was over I was once again covered head to toe in fake tan which clung to every hair and exaggerated every pore.  I strolled out of the spa, trying my best to cover my face.  I made it to the car without getting any strange looks just as I started to relax, the feeling of dread washed over me...  I needed petrol, desperately.

Mom was no help.  I rang, only to have to her laugh down the phone at me.  We didn't want to take the chance that the car would make it back home and she didn't have any way of getting to me.  I was in this on my own.

I remembered that the Tesco nearby had a "Pay at Pump" facility so I headed there, promising my little car I would clean him, and take better care of him if he just made it to the petrol station.  We made it and I queued for about 15 minutes before I got to a pump.  You can imagine how I felt when I read the sign "Pay at Pump out of order" By this time I had realised everything was against me.  I admitted defeat and had no choice but to walk into the shop looking like I'd smeared myself in cocoa powder.

This is the result of the second spray tan, taken on our way to Las Vegas.  The tan only lasted for a few days before I was as white as Casper again. 

The other type of tan I haven't tried is when the technician rubs it on you (and I thought the paper sumo pants were embarrassing!)  I've been told this gives a more even coverage... I'm not sure I can be bothered! I think I may go with the au natural look and forget trying to orange myself.  Pale is healthy anyway!